January 11, 2021
I believe strongly in setting boundaries.
I don’t really think I could ever express this enough. And I have come across clients and people in general that maybe not only struggle with setting boundaries but don’t even realize that they have the power to do this. But you can! And if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, then that’s on them.
Often you will be surprised at the positive results you experience from setting boundaries. Not only in how you feel but it can also lead to increased wellness, respect from others and the fact that you are helping that other person create boundaries too.
Today I heard a story that really resonated and ended up thinking a lot about this topic.
A tired, overworked store owner recently called a sales rep with a request. It was the 2nd time such a request was made within less than a 2-week time frame. The store owner received the request from her client which was last minute and then pushed onto the sales rep. The store also wanted the sales rep to put pressure on the vendor. The store owner’s client is very wealthy, and her last-minute planning was filtered down.
It’s not the actual request that is a big deal. And the first time the rep did it without even thinking about it. However now with the 2nd request some thought arose. It’s the manner and assumption that everyone is going to drop everything at that moment now for that person again. The rep hardly makes any money from the actual transaction and the store doesn’t either. However, it’s a good client overall for the store and the rep.
The deeper challenge is the thought process about the request and how it is handled.
When you create your own boundaries, you are not only recognizing what you don’t want to do but also how you don’t want to be. In this case- the rep doesn’t want to be like the tired overworked store owner nor does the rep want to be like the demanding last-minute client. Just because she has money does not make her entitled to behave this way. It’s interesting to think about.
Here are some tips on how to handle a situation like this.
1. Stop and recognize the behavior.
2. If possible, give yourself some time to think about it. Time creates space and often it helps level any anxiety you may have regarding the situation.
3. Determine your action.
Which of the 3 buckets makes the best sense:
a. Just do it and move forward. You are OK with the request.
b. Take care of it but communicate that next time you would like various changes.
c. Be firm on what you do or do not want while recognizing any possible outcomes.
In the end I have learned that the people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones that are benefiting.
Loving and appreciating yourself along with being happy is a natural outcome of setting boundaries.
Photo courtesy of Mentatdgt via Pexels